Posts Tagged "nebraska"
I had a blasty blast performing at the Omaha Funnybone with Ragin’ Cajun John Paul Morgan!
LOVE this man!
Filthy mouth with a heart of gold!
If you haven’t seen him perform, put it on your bucket list and hope you don’t die soon.
I’ve always wanted to live in New York City ever since I saw my first episode of Felicity and I knew I always wanted to visit the Hamptons every since my very first episode of Sex and the City.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from TV, it’s that everything that I’ve ever watched about the Hamptons is 100% factual. So I downloaded a podcast about yachting and studied up on my drive over.
There’s one thing I know about yachting and that’s nothing. The ocean is amazing, but I don’t have to go on it or in it to acknowledge that fact. Waves give me tummy crazies so I stay on land 100% of the time.
I was lucky enough to be invited out the Hamptons International Film Festival so I had purpose; AND an excuse to drive by Grey Gardens to see if I could find any feral cats or raccoons and get their autographs.
The Hamptons are RIDICULOUSLY gorgeous and I could fit about 10,000 of my apartment in just one slab of private property. I measured.
It blows my mind that people can own homes that are bigger than my hometown high school, which was pretty big, and only be there like 2 months out of the year. The only people I saw around town now besides the festival folk, were the maids and the repairmen. And NONE of them would let me run through the house naked. Not even for a minute.
I saw a few good movies this weekend:
The Last Safari
This movie made me feel like an asshole because all I do is run around town in a perfectly safe environment where the worst that can happen is my ego gets destroyed. And Elizabeth Gilbert, international photojournalist, is running around Africa almost getting killed because she wants the tribespeople she photographed to see the pictures she took. Oh and she put a bunch of African kids through school and now they all have jobs and achieved their life dreams. The only education I’ve funded is my dog’s and he still pisses on our clothes every chance he gets.
I totally recommend this movie ESPECIALLY if you enjoy very real movies with leads who are not in their 20’s or are vampires or are married to vampires or are pining after vampires! It will be in theaters for all the public to enjoy November 15th. It stars Will Forte, Bruce Dern and Bob Odenkirk, but my favorite human in the movie is June Squibb. She’s like my mom if my mom used vulgar language and flashed gravestones of former gentleman callers.
Bob Birdnow’s Remarkable Tale of Human Survival and the Transcendence of Self
While watching this movie, I thought to myself: This really feels like a one-man play, a really uncomfortable one-man play. And guess what? It WAS a one-man play before it became a movie. All I can say is: Why? Let’s just keep one-man plays on the stage where I won’t go see them. But if you ACTUALLY like one-man plays, don’t go see this.
The Maid’s Room
A psychological thriller set in the Hamptons, how apropos. There was a point in this movie where the maid, Drina, was getting hired and the family offered her $400/week plus room and board. All she had to do was dust some things and polish silver while they were gone and for a minute I thought, “That’s a pretty good deal, I’d take that.” Light cleaning and then I could do whatever I want AND live in the Hamptons. Why am I not a maid in the Hamptons?? Then shit went down and I was afraid to drive home that night.
I made some friends at the festival who told me I should call them anytime so we could “go to clubs and shit”. The next day they didn’t answer my texts and their emails bounced back from Mailer Daemon
Do they still count as friends?
Current NYC Friend Count if you count the Hamptons: 6
Scared of the Hamptons